Love the "Younger You" to have Peace with the "Present You"

Notice your body, become aware of each part of it. Now, think of all your responsibilities, think of all those things you have to do, all those things you should get done. Now, notice your body again. How does it feel? Where do you feel tension and tightness? What expression do you have on your face?

Most of us probably were taught as little children that a certain kind of behavior was acceptable, while another kind of behavior was not. We were rewarded for “good” behavior, and we would be punished for “bad” behavior. But “good” and “bad” varied from family to family, and even community to community. It was relative to your personal upbringing.

 We wanted the love and approval of the people we looked up to, and so we strived to fill our lives with “good” behaviors so that we could earn that love and be accepted. 

The problem is that he more we tried to become “good enough” for all of these outside influences, the more distant we became from our own internal voice. When we listen to all of the outside "shoulds", we are not listening to our own heart, our thoughts, and our Spirit. We lose touch with our authentic self a little more each day. 

We created confusion in our lives because these different influences conflicted one another. Mom and dad may want us to be something different than our friends pressure us to be. Maybe society conflicts with the voice of religion and so on. We soon find that we can never measure up to everyone’s expectations. 

The truth is, we were never meant to! 

Has striving in life was actually taken your further away from peace?  Think of how your body just felt a moment ago when you thought of all the things that you had to do.  No wonder ancient scripture taught us to, “Be still” so that we may know God.

If we are feeling loved, there is no need for us to even use “getting and protecting behaviors” in order to “earn” love and acceptance.

Imagine your adult self tending to your child self with unconditional love. Not the way your adult self thinks you should, but instead the way the child in you wants or needs love and support. Offer your love freely. Take some time together, just the two of you, to play and have fun. Give your inner child 100% of your attention. Now, focus your awareness. How does the child feel? Is there any need or desire for any negative behaviors? You will find that there is no need for it. We are all a bunch of children in grown-up bodies, longing for love!

The most recent mp3 added to the site is written to provide this very experience.  Go listen to: "Inner Child Healing" in the Meditation Section of the Personal Development Library.

A Healing Journey

If you were scheduled for surgery and were offered a drug with no side effects that could decrease your anxiety, pain, and length of hospital stay, would you be interested? What if it was not a drug, but a meditative experience? Recent research shows that guided imagery has a significant impact on pre and postoperative anxiety, pain and length of stay in patients undergoing surgery.

Researchers have demonstrated that it can decrease blood pressure, decrease blood glucose levels, decrease histamine response to allergies, enhance wound and bone healing, and improve coping and self confidence.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from cancer or any other long term illness, "Anti-Cancer Healing Journey"--the most recent mp3 at mythoughtcoach.com.-- is a great one to try and use on a regular basis.

Happiness and Joy

Feeling sad?  Maybe even really sad?  Then read on my friend, because no matter how much you've learned to identify with your pain, you are not your pain, your illness, or even your emotions. 

Want the  truth? UNHAPPINESS IS NOT THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.

It's time to stop saying things like: "I am depressed." You may be experiencing depression, but you are not depression; you may be experiencing anger, but you are not anger; you may be experiencing grief, but you are not grief; you may be experiencing fear, but you are not fear.  No matter how much you're learned to identify with these feelings, they do not in truth define you.  Emotions are experiences; they are not who you are.

For centuries the Buddhists have taught followers to say "I am with anger," as opposed to "I am angry"; "I am with sadness," as opposed to "I am sad."  When you practice naming the emotion you are with, you help keep yourself from confusing your identity with the emotions you feel.  

Unhappiness and fear have a way of distorting vision and making false evidence appear real.  In the Taoist Bible, the Tao Te Chin, it explains that when you're unhappy and afraid:

The way that is bright seems dull;

The way that leads forward seems to lead backward;

The way that is even seems rough;

The highest virtue is like the valley;

The sheerest whiteness seems sullied;

Ample virtue seems defective . . .

Unhappiness is not a truthful state. It has nothing to do with your joyous, loving, unconditional self; it has everything to do with the ego--the thoughts in your mind that tell you that you're small, separate, unworthy, in exile, and have every reason to be afraid.  The ego is born of fear, and sees no spirit, no happiness, and no hope.

Unhappiness and fear feel real, but they're not.  Unhappiness happens when you wander away from your true self and "lose spirit"; true healing is simply a return to spirit, a return to love, a return to truth, and a return to joy.  Pain runs deep, but joy runs deeper!

The unconditional you is okay and all is well so give yourself a break.  A break from the incessant self-judgement, and a break from identifying with the pain because . . . (say it with me!) "I am not my pain."

Three Quick Ways to Get Low Self Esteem

If you are interested in nurturing low feelings of self worth, there are some tried and true ways to get it.  Here are a few of my favorites.  See if they sound familiar.

1.  Base your feelings of value or self worth on THE STUFF THAT YOU HAVE.  Anything works here.  If you feel good about yourself BECAUSE you have a nice car, house, clothes, haircut, body, abs or perm, you are setting yourself up a fantastic dose of low self worth the moment the status of those things changes.  The inverse is also true: if you feel that you aren't of much worth because you live in a trailer park, are overweight, drive a clunker, or have a bad hair day, you are allowing THINGS of a very temporal value to determine YOUR value.  Very effective way to feel bad about yourself most of the time.  

2.  Base your feelings of value or self worth on your ACHIEVEMENTS: Is your PhD, Academy Award, Grammy, Honor Roll or dazzling intellect defining your worth and keeping you afloat?  Is your D- high school dropout status helping you feeling inferior or like less of a person?  

3.  Base your feelings of value or self worth on your CHILDREN'S actions.  Feel like you are a good person because your kid got a full ride to Harvard?  Feel like a loser because your teenager has a pierced nose, orange hair, and hasn't bathed in several weeks?  Good work. You are well on your way to being tossed to and fro.  

The truth is that we are all here in a really great costume party.  That's it.  What you and others live in, drive around or fit into is all very temporal, and has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR WORTH.   If you let any of these things determine your worth or define your value, you are allowing your feelings of worth to be fleeting at best.  Welcome to the Self-Esteem Roller Coaster ride.

What then can you possibly anchor to in this crazy crazy world?  Here it is.  Read it carefully and then read it again.

Your worth and value as a person was established long before you began your earthly experience.  You are of infinite worth and value.  You are loved and cherished beyond comprehension.  You are unique and one of a kind.  Nothing that you could EVER say or do would ever change that truth.  Nothing.

The ONLY reason that you should ever be interested in changing your behavior is because what you do or don't do will directly affect the quality of your life experience.  Certain choices will allow you to feel your innate value more keenly, and feel the security and anchored-ness that comes from that.

Listen to "I Love, Honor and Respect Myself" for a quick reminder once in a while of what it is really all about.

Beware The Grudge.

Those of you who have ever felt wronged, insulted, slighted or disappointed, please raise your hand now.

Having a tough time letting go?

If your view of that lovely image (see above) displayed on your computer screen is not currently being obstructed by an upraised palm, you are a very, ridiculously lucky individual. Or a liar. No offense.

We all deal with challenges, or, to be more accurate, challeng-ers. People who do or are things that seem to have a way of offending us. Our inevitable interaction with these people is impossible to change. On the other hand (speaking of upraised palms), how we choose to deal with them, most definitely is.

Holding a grudge is not the way to go. It’s time to just come out and say it. When we hold onto an offense, cling to a time we’ve been wronged, refuse to forget a misdeed, it ultimately ends up hurting us. When we’re stuck in the past, how can we look to the future?

Although it may seem a little cliché to tout forgiveness as a vital practice needing to be incorporated into every area of our lives, at the end of the day it really is. Learn to forgive, forget and move-on, and learn to progress in your life in a way you never before knew you could. Release the grudge, cleanse your mind of the terrifying image displayed above, and get ready to embrace success in your recently horror film/resentment cleansed life!

If you need a little help really letting go, try a few of these recordings in the "RELATIONSHIPS" section at mythoughtcoach.com.  They are written to help you do just that.  "Affirmations for Forgiveness," "Release Jealousy and Anxiety" and "Let Go of Anger and Resentment."

Overcoming Anxiety and the Freeze Response

1.   The first step in overcoming anxiety is to recognize that your job when experiencing anxiety is to make yourself as comfortable as possible while the feeling passes. Anxiety will pass. While you are waiting for the anxiety to pass, remind yourself that this feeling will go away, and concentrate on making yourself comfortable physically and emotionally. To increase physical comfort, find a comfortable position, stretch your muscles, and loosen any tight clothing you are wearing. To increase emotional comfort, continue with the rest of these 5 anxiety treatment methods - starting with positive, calming self-talk.

2.   Use calming self-talk. Much of what we say to ourselves when experiencing anxiety in fact causes us to feel more anxious. Tell yourself calming phrases such as:

“This feeling will pass.”
“I will get through this.”
“I am safe right now.”
“I am feeling anxious now, but soon I will be calm.”
“I can feel my heart rate gradually slowing down.”

3.   Acknowledge and accept the anxiety. Fighting the anxiety makes it stronger. Paradoxically, accepting that you are feeling anxious causes the anxiety to go away.

If you are feeling brave enough to try the following, it is one of the most powerful anxiety treatment strategies:
For 10 minutes, try to make yourself as anxious as possible. Think anxious thoughts. Try to get your anxiety to increase to the highest imaginable level. When your anxiety reaches a 10 out of 10 - good! - Now try to keep it there for at least 5 full minutes.
You will probably find that you are not able to keep your anxiety at a high level. This is a type of exposure technique, in which you face your fears and, paradoxically, they vanish.

4.    Distract yourself. Distraction is an effective way of putting your mind on something other than the anxiety symptoms you are experiencing, and is a surprisingly effective anxiety treatment. It is difficult for the mind to focus on more than one thing at once. If you find something to focus on intently, your mind will not be able to maintain the anxiety for long.

5.   Use relaxation techniques. Relaxation is the body’s natural anxiety cure because relaxation techniques actually reverse the stress response. Start using quick relaxation techniques to induce the relaxation response. This will counter the body’s stress response and reduce anxiety symptoms.

Head to the “Anxiety” section in the library to learn how to quickly achieve relaxation. You can also download the recent recording:  “Meditation for Overcoming the Freeze and Panic Response,” which is free all this month at mythoughtcoach.com.

Slow Those Weights DOWN, People!

I was perusing the Costco Magazine this month, and came across this article ( Click here to read it.).  

It reminded me once more why I love Slow Speed so darn much. 

Brimming with fond slow speed memories, I decided to slow down my own strength training regime once more-- I always need to mix things up.  And BOY howdy, this is some great stuff! 

It got me excited to record a new round of slow speed tracks, to help you lifters out there that want to take this on. I need to add a 10-15 sec. pause at the beginning too, to give you time to get into position with your weights.  Truth is, you either need to bring along a metronome, or put my audio tracks in your ears.  If you don't, your slow count to 10 may take about 2.7 seconds.

Have you tried this Slow Speed Method yet?  It works with ANY strength training that you are already doing!  It just slows it way down, so you may need to lower the weight a bit to get all the way through it.  Let me know your thoughts, and if you need help finding the tracks at mythoughtcoach.com.  I'll let you know when the new ones go up too.

                                          

Relaxed and Stress Free Public Speaking

The EFT method is one of the most effective ways to "re-file" anxieties within the brain, such as the fear of public speaking.

As a protective mechanism, our brains tag certain situations that they perceive as a threat, even if that perception began at a very early age, or was completely unintended. EFT allows these associations to literally move into a different area in the brain, without the accompanying fear or anxiety.

It feels so easy that you might be tempted to make it more complicated than it actually is. That is the perfect time to surrender and trust that some great things just get to be easy.

Try this. Pick up a pen or small pebble in your hand and hold on to it tightly. Pretend for a moment that this object that you have picked up is your anxiety or fear about public speaking, and that your hand represents your gut or your consciousness. If you held the object long enough this would start to feel uncomfortable, yet familiar.

Now, open your hand and roll the object around in it. Notice that you are the one holding on to it and that it is not attached to your hand. The same is true with your feelings. Your feelings and anxieties are as attached to you as this object is attached to your hand.

Just as simply as you could choose to let go of what you are holding in your hand, you could let go of this anxiety and fear about speaking in public.

The choice to let go, or release harmful feelings can be enhanced by gently tapping along some acupressure points in the body. This method is called the EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique. Essentially it acts as acupuncture for our emotions, and releases resistance to change. This technique also works well when trying to clear out strong negative emotions that are stored in the body. They can help also help release some of the “yes, but. . .” responses that come up with some affirmations.

EFT for Relaxed and Stress Free Public Speaking is available at My Thought Coach, and will assist you in this experience. Give it a try while tapping the points outlined below using the first and middle fingers of either hand. With a light but firm pressure tap each area 7-10 times as you cover the area where the point is located.

1. Top of Head - the intersection of two lines on the top of your head (the tip of one ear, over your head, to the tip of the other ear; and a line from the tip of your nose, to the base of your skull)
2. Eye Brow - at the beginning of the eyebrow, just above and to one side of the nose.
3. Side of the Eye - on the bone bordering the outside corner of the eye.
4. Under Eye - on the bone under the eye about one inch below and in line with the pupil.
5. Under Nose - in the center of the area between the nose and top lip.
6. Chin - in the center between the bottom lip and bottom (or point) of the chin.
7. Collarbone - the junction where the collarbone, sternum (breastbone) and first rib meet.
8. Under the Arm - on the side of the body approx. 4 inches below the armpit

Mind Over Matter

Goal setting, the "law of attraction" and "positive thinking" all work, regardless of whether you look at them from a metaphysical or a scientific perspective. The things that you have been thinking about, picturing in your mind repeatedly, and putting emotional energy towards are the very things that are creating your experience and perceived reality right now.

Your brain is like a computer, waiting for a program to be installed into your subconscious--which is completely neutral and impartial. It will carry out any instructions you give it.

Unfortunately, many of us are still running negative programs we picked up as children when our minds were totally open and impressionable, or which we developed over the years as a result of repetition of our own negative thinking.

Choosing to focus on new positive thoughts, feelings and images will literally create new neural patterns in your brain. Neuroscientists have actually discovered that you can create an almost infinite number of new neural connections in your brain just by choosing different thoughts.

Old neural pathways are a lot like grooves in a record, and if you are struck in any area of your life, you have likely been playing these "old records" over and over again.

BUT, if you were to carve a new groove into that record, it would never play the same way again! The old pattern would weaken and the new one would take over. Brand new positive thoughts, feelings and images begin to create "new grooves," and soften out older ones.

With the help of affirmations and releasing of old emotions, you can quite literally re-program your brain and begin to experience a more positive reality.

For a little more direct help, try listening to an affirmation in the mythoughtcoach.com library that feels right to you at this time in your life. Each one was written and recorded to help you maintain optimism and retrain your brain during the times you need it most.

A Daily Creation Station

As you deliberately dedicate 10-15 minute into a daily “Creation Station,” intentionally focusing your thoughts towards your vision of what the perfect life experience would be for you, you will begin to attract the very circumstances and events that you want. How do you go about discovering what it is that you really DO want? Every day, as you wander through life you are inevitably exposed to all sorts of opportunities that will help you figure that out.

Have you ever received a gift card and then spent time looking around to see what it is that you most want to get with it? In the search for the best thing to buy, there were undoubtedly many things that you came across that didn’t make the cut. However, after evaluation and possibly deep deliberation, eventually you were able to narrow the choices down to the final lucky purchase.

Challenge yourself to look at every interaction and experience that you have each day as if you had a gift card that you could exchange for this data that you are collecting. You may run into someone who has a joyful personality. Collect that data and bring it into your “Creation Station” later. You may get glimpses of what you would most like to be doing professionally, or see a great relationship that has some of the elements that you want to in your own relationship. Whatever it is that you are seeing that resonates with what you want, remember it. You may even want to write it down.

When you then go into your “Creation Station” each day, you can assimilate the data you have collected and begin to create an ever clearer picture of what your ideal life looks like.

Some of the most valuable work you will do, regardless of the activities that you are involved in, is to look around for things that you want with the intent of bringing them into your life vision. As you do so, life gets more fun and meaningful. Even the struggles give you the valuable information of what you DO and what you DON’T want to create in your life.

If you need help jump starting your daily “Creation Station,” the mp3 of the same name is new at mythoughtcoach.com and will be the ideal place to bring all of that valuable data that you have been gathering together!

Your Subconscious Beliefs May Need A Tune Up.

Is there a disconnect between what you want in your life and what you are actually experiencing?  

The Law of Attraction teaches that the tried and tested formula for manifesting what you want is: Ask.  Believe.  Receive.  

But what if your beliefs are a kind of whacked?  There is a slim to none chance that you skated through childhood without picking up some belief or another that you might now, as an adult, want to reconsider.

• Wanting money is a bad or selfish desire.  
• I need to eat all of the food on my plate because there are hungry children somewhere.
• If I am successful, I might not be faithful to my spouse.
• Children should be seen and not heard
• Boys don't cry!  Toughen up.
• If I am too successful, people won't like me.
• People will only like me IF I am successful!
• Addiction to _________ runs in our family.
• I have a temper problem because of my red hair.
• If I stay home to raise my children, I will be depressed and overweight.  

Heard the phrase "the tip of the iceberg?"  Think about it--the vast majority of an iceberg floats under the surface of the water.  Only its tip is visible above the surface.

It really isn't much different for you and me.  You are so much more than what you and others are seeing.  Often it is the stuff under the surface that needs more attention and regular tweaking.  Especially when your reality isn't matching what it is that you really want.

In The Light, recently added to mythoughtcoach.com, was written specifically to assist with the most common subconscious thoughts that may be keeping you from experiencing the life that you want.  It will be a powerful tool in re-aligning your beliefs and is a great mp3 to begin with.  It will also help turbo-charge all other affirmations that you are working on.

The Tip of the Iceberg Analogy

What a distorted paradigm!

My favorite quote today comes from the beloved Steve Covey of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People fame. Please read it. When you are done, read it again. Read it next week too.

"Most of us think we don't have enough time to exercise. What a distorted paradigm! We don't have time NOT to. We're talking about three to six hours a week--or a minimum of thirty minutes a day, every other day. That hardly seems an inordinate amount of time considering the tremendous benefit in terms of the impact on the other 162-165 hours of the week."

Zip it.

Chances are that if you are reading this, you know that you are what you think. You are what you believe. You are what you eat. You are the exercise you get. Let's add another to the list: You are the company you keep.

The people in your social circle and how you let them affect you will have a greater influence on the direction of your life than any other factor. Nowhere do personal associations influence you more than in your quest for optimal health, spiritual growth and self achievement.

As human beings, we have an automatic tendency to conform to the words, behaviors, and habits of the people who surround us. When you become aware of which people in your life are positive influences and which are negative, that's the beginning of a life transformation.

"We are all being influenced by someone. Since this influence will determine, to some extent, the direction of our lives, it is far better to deliberately choose the people we will permit to influence us than to allow the power of the wrong influence to weave its effect on us without our knowledge or conscious choice."

-Jim Rhon, Motivational Speaker

Start by taking an inventory of all the people in your life. Who do you spend the most time with? What kind of influence are they having on you? Is that influence helping you move toward your ultimate goals or away from them?

Try these strategies if the negative influences in your life are beginning take a toll on you.

1. Limit your exposure to the negatives by simply spending less time with pessimists, critics and other negative people. A good first step is to begin placing an extraordinarily high value on your time. As you start to realize that time is life itself and you have a limited supply, you'll begin to have less tolerance for time wasters. This also applies to the time you spend watching TV, reading books, listening to music and surfing your laptop. Keep it uplifting-- avoid anything that brings you to a lower frequency.
2. Increase your exposure to the positive people in your life. Rearrange your time and priorities to expand the positive associations in your life. Do anything it takes to share time with people who are filled with light. Fill your mind with inspiring books, uplifting music, and positive thoughts and ideas. A spoonful of positive energy can counteract a truckload of negative energy.
3. Build immunity from the negatives. Expecting to eliminate all negativity from your life is unrealistic. You can however shield yourself from it. Every morning before you go out into the wold, put yourself inside a force field of positive energy. Visualize yourself stepping into it and even zipping it up. I do this every morning for my kids-- I literally run my hand up an imaginary zipper from their waist to their chin, and remind them that I am helping to protect them from any negative energy-- if it comes their way that they can watch it bounce right off of them. This is a powerful tool that we all may need a bit more of.

Every recording that you will find at mythoughtcoach.com is specifically designed to have an overall positive effect on your life.

How does that EFT thing WORK, anyway???

If you have tried it, you know by now that EFT reduces emotional stress. But how?

Emotional Freedom Technique approaches the problem of emotional stress from the vastly different standpoint of Energy Psychology, certainly not the way the psychologists or psychiatrists consider these problems. For this reason the mechanics and outcomes of EFT are unlike what people expect.

EFT is associated with the ancient healing art of acupuncture, called chi. Chi energy travels within and over the body in 14 clearly described channels, pathways or meridians. Another principle of acupuncture that applies to EFT is that any disease, pain or disturbance of the body is caused by a disruption of chi energy. As such, negative emotions like anxiety, fear, anger, a phobia of any kind, and so on, are also caused by a disturbance in one or more chi energy meridians.

Have you noticed that whenever you think about a stressful memory or event that the same stress that you experienced when the event first HAPPENED comes back? Just by thinking about it? This is because the event AND the feelings associated with it become linked in your brain and energy system. It is this link that keeps us stuck, re-living that negative emotional and physical response over and over again every time that we are reminded of or think about a past stressful or painful event.

The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) reduces the emotional and the physical reaction associated with the distressing memory by neutralizing the link that was originally formed when the event first happened. This is done by intentionally holding the thought of the negative or stressful memory and tapping with the fingertips on a few acupuncture points on the face and chest.

With this tapping action, additional energy is brought into the body to neutralize, normalize or reduce the energy disruption in all affected meridian pathways. Energy flow is normalized, and as a consequence the body functions better in all physical, emotional and mental dimensions.

It is critical to the EFT process to remain clearly focused on the distressing thought and memory. In this way, the energy disturbance will remain activated during the tapping process. Becoming distracted by outside thoughts will break the neurological connection between the memory and the feeling. This disruption between the two could prevent the corrective process from occurring.

As the process of EFT treatment continues to neutralize this connection, you will experience a rather sudden awareness of detachment and absence of the familiar stressful response the next time that you think about the stressful or disturbing thought. Many report that it is as if the negative emotions about the event have been drained away. From this point on, one would then be able to: think the "previously stressful" thought, picture the disturbing mental image, or mentally relive the hurtful event. . .without the painful or self destructive response.

Still haven't tried it? You should. I can help you at www.mythoughtcoach.com.

Be your biggest fan.

I am a firm believer that we are our own very best life coaches. Imagine encouraging yourself through tough spots as though your job was to be your own personal motivational speaker and biggest fan. In fact, try it now. Don't think about it too much, just do it. No one else ever needs to know. "You can do this, (insert your name here)! You are tougher than you think you are! You can ABSOLUTELY get through this moment, and get through it well!"

This whole process sounds strange from the outside observer, so it is time to stop being one and really give it a go. It will seem odd at first, especially if you aren't used to hearing encouragement from anywhere. If this is the case, it is even more important that you become the one to take over this role for yourself.

Life will continue to have difficult moments. It's the only way that we would ever become better, as we rise to meet each situation as it comes. Coach yourself through them. Encourage your thoughts with optimism and faith in the best parts of yourself. "You can get through this tough moment, and you are getting stronger by not giving up." "You get things done. You can do/create/have whatever you want." "I believe in you!"

You always have the choice of what to think and say to yourself. Coach yourself to success and new heights. Coach yourself into actually GETTING to the gym, during that workout once you get going, in your role as you parent or partner, and in encouraging yourself to eat right. Start now, and say to yourself in this very moment, "I can do this, and I will!"